Bringing new meaning to the term Salad-Shooter

This post is of a sensitve nature. If talk of bodily functions offends you click away now.

It's taken me two days to be able to talk about this. Even remembering it now is making my eyes water a little. But it's my duty to document it, you know, for posterity's sake.

On Tuesday I sent Melbourne out to Wendy's to pick up lunch. I hadn't been eating very heathy foods because only junk food seemed appealing. To demonstrate please see a small list of foods I can't and can eat.

Can't
Strawberry Pop-Tarts
Orange Juice
Green Apples
Ginger Snaps (Oh, the heartburn)
Cranberries (Juice or dried)
Sesame Sticks
Absolutely could not touch raw meat to even pretend to make a healthy homemade dinner

Can
Wendy's Chicken Nuggets
Wendy's Chicken Sandwich
Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts
Entire vat of Kozy Shack Real Chocolate Pudding
Ritz Crackers
Dried Salami
Cheese on Wheat Crackers

So you see, my list of can foods was pretty small and not looking good. A few weeks ago I was scarfing down salads like crazy because lettuce and cucumbers were good, yo! So I decided to try salad again. A Wendy's Mandarin Orange Chicken Salad to be exact.

I dug into that salad like I hadn't eaten in weeks. It tasted so good. Mana!

About halfway through the salad, I popped another bite in my mouth and started chewing. But wait! What's this? I couldn't swallow. Things were suddenly and without warning working in reverse. I had to spit my half-chewed bite into the bowl and make a mad dash for the bathroom.

And people, that's when salad came out of my nose.

When you blow your nose and see something green in the tissue you just never expect it to be lettuce, do you?